Z All Hallow's Eavesdropping  ONESHOT
by Fanatical Writer
Summary: When Reid wants to find out what the women are talking about, he stoops to spying. This story is written in response to the Candy Land Challenge on CCOAC. Just for fun!


_Author's Note: This is a pinch hit written in response to the Candy Land Challenge from CCOAC. The prompt involved the following:_

_Reid, Prentiss, and WONKA Nerds_

_This story may be a smidge out of character, but I was going for fun!_

_And just to warn you, this contains more than a bit of dirty talk. Enjoy!_

_FYI—I have a poll up on my profile asking which 'clichéd' storyline you'd like to read and with which couple. If the storyline/couple you'd like to see doesn't appear there, please feel free to PM me with what you'd be interested in seeing! Some that have been mentioned to me outside of the poll are lacunar amnesia (for Derek w/ a Morgan/Garcia pairing) and a drunken Vegas wedding for Garcia/Morgan. I'm interested in knowing what you'd like to read! Thanks. - Angie_

When Spencer Reid walked into Penelope's office, all conversation came to an abrupt halt. He had no idea what she, JJ, and Emily had been talking about, but now he desperately wanted to know. Reid was, by nature, a curious creature. "Hey," he said, moving further into the room until he was leaning against one of the counters that held mounds of electronic equipment.

"Hey, Reid," Penelope said with a grin. "How are ya?"

"Good," he said. "You?"

"I'm doing great." She grinned as she looked at her friends. "We were just having girl talk, right, ladies?" she prompted.

Prentiss and JJ nodded obediently.

"Right," Prentiss said. "So, anyway, my cramps were _so _bad…"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa…" Reid said. "Wait until I've exited the area!" He practically sprinted from the room and when he reached the hallway his phone was ringing. "Derek, pick up my phone!" he yelled.

Derek gave him a questioning look.

"Just pick it up!" Reid said urgently.

Derek did as he was told, and thankfully didn't say a word...just stood there with a frown on his face.

Reid grabbed the receiver, hit the mute button, and then speakerphone.

"What in the _hell_ are you doing, Kid?" Derek asked.

"Ssshhh, sshh, sshh," Reid said urgently as he settled down into his chair. "I put Penelope's phone on speaker and dialed my extension so we could hear what they were talking about."

Derek rolled his eyes. "What are we? In junior high?"

They heard Penelope laugh wickedly. "Ok. So I have to pick just _one_?" she asked.

"Yes," Prentiss said concisely.

"That's easy. I'd sleep with Morgan."

Derek pushed a pile of papers off Reid's desk and dropped down in their place. He nodded approvingly. "This is good, Kid," he whispered.

"See?" Reid said.

"He's got to be a master. I bet he's with a different girl every weekend."

Derek chuckled. "Every _other_," he informed Reid.

"And you just know he's…" Penelope cleared her throat. "Blessed below the belt."

"Oooh, she's spot on," Derek said with a lift of his eyebrow.

Reid rolled his eyes. "This isn't as fun as I thought it was going to be," he said, reaching to hang up the phone.

Derek slapped his hand away. "Not so fast, Kid."

"Yeah, I'd have to take Reid," Prentiss said. "My guess is he's easily trainable. He'd probably be willing to do just about anything you asked him to."

"What do ya think about _that_?" Derek asked the young doctor. Reid just grinned like a fool.

Penelope laughed. "And you think Morgan _wouldn't_?"

"Mmm…" Prentiss said thoughtfully. "I think Morgan probably has it down. It's probably _routine_ for him."

Derek scowled at that.

"Mmm maybe. But I'd be willing to sacrifice myself in order to find out," Penelope said huskily. "I'm willing to bet it's more that he's _perfected_ the art of lovemaking than turned it into a routine."

His face broke out into a grin as he nodded. "That's my baby girl," he said proudly. "She's got _my _number."

"What about you, Jayje?" they heard Penelope ask.

"Oh, no, no, no. I am a bystander in this conversation. I am a happily married woman."

"Who's knocked up," Prentiss said in amusement. "Your hormones must be going berserk."

"Hey, Will likes morning sex and I like night sex. We compromise. I give him what he wants, and he gives me what I want."

"Twice a day. Nice," Penelope said approvingly.

"Oooh, do you know what I _hate_?" Prentiss asked.

"What?" This came in unison from JJ and Penelope.

"The obligatory five minutes of foreplay. He touches a breast, caresses my hip and then BOOM!" she said with a loud clap of her hands.

Reid jumped back from the speaker on his phone in shock and Morgan chuckled.

"There he is, at the entrance, poised for victory. Come on!" They could practically _hear_ her rolling her eyes.

JJ and Penelope started giggling.

"But do you know what the worst is?" Penelope asked.

"What?" Prentiss asked, clearly getting into the conversation.

"Lazy mans sex. Where he _finally_ gets to the Promised Land, and _pretends_ to really be puttin' it to ya, but he's just pulling out like…a sixteenth of an inch and you can't even feel it. _That's_ what's the worst! God, at least pull out an inch or two! It's like '_Hello! I barely felt anything!_' And then _he's_ getting off."

"I do _not _do that," Derek said triumphantly, glad to know he was on the right path in the bedroom. But really, who was he kidding? Penelope had been dead on. He was a master when it came to the opposite sex, in _and_ out of bed.

Reid rolled his eyes. Morgan could be so egotistical.

_Attention all agents. The sexual training seminar will now begin in conference room three on the first floor. _The voice on the intercom interrupted their fun.

Derek groaned. "I don't want to go to this."

"Of course you don't," Reid said as he hung up his phone. "It goes against everything you stand for."

Derek chuckled. "You got that right, Kid." He headed for his desk, and Reid watched as Penelope met him there so they could head down to the seminar together. The best friends were practically inseparable.

"Hey, Reid."

He turned around and Prentiss was standing there. "Hey, Em," he said, willing himself not to blush.

She lifted an eyebrow at him. "Halloween is in two days. I know it's your favorite holiday, so I got you something." She held something up in front of her and he squinted to see it.

"What is it?" he asked, studying the little box as he took it from her. One half was purple, the other dark pink.

She grinned at him. "WONKA Nerds," she informed him. "They remind me of you."

"Of course they do," he muttered. "Hey, Em," he said as she started to walk away.

She turned to face him.

"Trick...or treat?" he asked.

Prentiss grinned. "You know I'm all about the treats, Reid."

"Well, then…" Reid cleared his throat. "This should be a real treat for you. Just so you know…I'm not into lazy mans sex."

"_Excuse me?_" she asked in shock.

"Lazy mans sex. I'm not about that."

"How did you…?" Suddenly her cheeks blazed red. "That wasn't…that was Penelope's thing. Not mine," she sputtered.

Reid grinned, loving how the tables had turned and _she_ was the one who'd been rendered speechless. "OK," he said nonchalantly as he put his hands in his pockets. "Just…file it away in that brain of yours for future use," he told her as he walked away whistling.


End file.
